Les Mis Purity Test Are you taking this quiz? Have you read Les Misérables in its unabridged entirety? More than once? More than five times? …more than ten? Have you seen the musical? Ten times or more? Driven more than a hundred miles to see the musical? Been to the stage door? Had actors recognize you and call you by name from all the times you’ve been to the stage door? Made friends with an actor? Slept with an actor?(!) Have you read more than one translation of the book? Read the book in French? Taught yourself a language or improved your grasp of it by reading the book in that language? Is your current desktop wallpaper Les Mis-related? Do you snootily inform anyone who will listen how much better the book is than the musical? Own multiple cast recordings? In more than one language? …more than ten recordings? …more than twenty? Do you own them ALL? Can you quote off large portions of the book from memory? Can you recite the entire musical from memory? Is your bookmarks folder stuffed full of Les Mis websites? Do you maintain a Les Mis website? Do completely innocuous words and phrases make you burst out into songs from Les Mis? Think the unabridged version of the Brick should be required reading in public schools? Do you have a crush on one or more of the characters? Ever screamed out a character’s name during sex? Was it Enjolras? …Javert? …Montparnasse? Ever engaged fellow obsessees in very serious debate about trifling details of the story? Do you read Les Mis fanfiction? Do you write Les Mis fanfiction? Is it slash? Have you researched homosexuality in 19th century France for a slash fic? Researched any aspect of 19th century France solely to further your understanding of Les Mis? God, the 1998 movie sucked, didn’t it? Can you name three movie adaptations that you actually like? …is at least one of them in French without subtitles? Has some variation of “Oooh man, if I ever directed a movie version…” ever left your lips? (Or fingers if it was on the internet.) Do you celebrate Barricade Day? Own any bootlegs of the show? More than ten? More than fifty? …more than a hundred? Have you ever recorded a bootleg? Was it a video? Ever been caught making a bootleg? Are your friends and family sick of you talking about Les Mis? Do your classmates or coworkers glance knowingly at you whenever someone mentions anything related to Les Mis? Ever converted someone to the Miz love? Is that person taking this test now, or have they taken it in the past? Do you speak French? Did you learn or improve your French specifically because of Les Mis? Can you pronounce all the characters’ names correctly? Even Enjolras? If you answered “Yes” to question #30, did you at least have the decency to properly pronounce the name in question? Do you twitch whenever a Les Mis actor says someone’s name wrong? Do you own the TAC? Are Evian bottles, exit signs, and excessive blinking amusing to you because of all the times you’ve seen the TAC? Have you played the TAC drinking game? Ever engaged in a Frances vs. Lea or Maguire vs. Warlow debate? Ever interrupted such a debate to declare that both the people in question are inferior to some actor who was never even recorded in English? Are you cynical about Eppie-boppers? About Enjolras/Mary-Sue and Javert/Mary-Sue fics? Have you read Christian Caron? …Orestes Drunk and Pylades Fasting? …the Miserable Diaries? …Wasp’s Nest? Have you read every single fic posted on LMFFI/the Les Mis section of fanfiction.net, no matter how awful? Have you written or contributed to one of the fics named above? Has one of your favorite Les Mis sites disappeared into the dark pit of 404 errors and been lost to everything except archive.com? Did you take the original Les Mis purity test? Can you tell exactly which questions on this test are snitched from that one? Have some of the Les Mis characters taken up residence in your head? Do you have multiple figments of certain characters? Are the margins of your notebooks filled with Les Mis-related doodles? Have any of these doodles developed into full-blown fanart? Do you write essays about Les Mis for school? Do you write essays about Les Mis for fun? …and post them on the internet? Is the school edition of the musical a tool of Satan? Have you been in a production of it anyway? Did other people in the show consult you whenever they needed information on it? Have you ever been to France and planned your itinerary, in whole or in part, around Les Mis-related locations? Been to Victor Hugo’s grave? Prostrated yourself before Victor Hugo’s grave and earned the stares of the passerby? Is the phrase “OMSB E/R OTP TOTALLY CANON” intelligible to you? …you know who E and R are, don’t you? Can you name every cut and lyric change made to the musical between 1985 and today, and which productions used which versions? Would you give a kidney to get your hands on James Fenton’s original lyrics and notes? Would you give the other kidney to get your hands on a London 1985 rehearsal score? Is your copy of the Brick sticky-noted, annotated in the margins, coming apart at the spine, or missing pages from too-frequent rereading? Have you ever done something truly unhealthy or unsafe to fuel your Les Mis obsession? (Staying up all night reading fanfiction does not count.) Have you taken this test more than once in hopes of getting a better score? Do you use this test as a checklist of things to do? Did you lie on this test to improve your score? You are % pure.